i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
