I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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