she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
