pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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