After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
