Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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