I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Terrible idea I love it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
