We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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