i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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