Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
