I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
