dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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