the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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