i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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