i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
