do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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