I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
