I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
