I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
