i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
