Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i love accidental penises.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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