When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
