IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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