gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
