Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
