I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
