My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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