you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize