Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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