He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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