he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
