dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His nipple licking is glorious
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