Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
