Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
