You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
