You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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