please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
