maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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