i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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