oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
