He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
