he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
