I hope mine doesn't look like that
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
