Please, let me fuck your mom
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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