There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
