and she was petting her beer can
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I supernannyed him into submission
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
