Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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