i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize