therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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