I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
