Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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