FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
