You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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