He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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