Umm I'm too high to move.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
