Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
