I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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