Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
did i walk over a car last night?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
