You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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