real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I would ride that face into the sunset
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
