Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize