I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
