He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
