Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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